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Learning to Trust in the Lord

July 4, 2008

Yesterday something I wanted terribly was withheld from me. I did not understand why the Lord would deny me of something that would have made me so happy, or if I wasn’t meant to have it, why He even allowed me to want it so badly in the first place. I could not see beyond my own selfish desires. My mind knew I should trust in Him and accept His will but my heart kept screaming, “No! I will not give in! I will not accept no for an answer!” And I was miserable.

I went to sleep exhausted and slept over ten hours. When I woke up it was still on my mind, and I felt the same as I had last night. I started writing about it in my journal, which eventually brought me to tears and I sobbed and sobbed. I had never been so disappointed and hurt by anything before. After awhile Mosiah 3:19 came to my mind:

For the natural man is an enemy to God, and has been from the fall of Adam, and will be, forever and ever, unless he yields to the enticings of the Holy Spirit, and putteth off the natural man, and becometh as a child, submissive, meek, humble, patient, full of love, willing to submit to all things the Lord seeth fit to inflict upon him, even as a child doeth submit to his father.

I realized that my desire to have that certain thing was the natural man, my own will, but the Lord has seen fit to withhold that from me at this time, so I must submit patiently to His will and trust that He knows what He is doing, although I can not see His ways or reasons. So I said in my heart, “Lord, I do not know why you have done this to me, but I will trust in Thee and accept Thy will for me.” The last thing I expected was to know so soon why this was His will, but in His great goodness and wisdom and mercy, He revealed it to me almost immediately after I submitted my will to His.

Suddenly I was filled with so much motivation and inspiration to change my life and set new goals that would hopefully someday enable me to attain that thing my heart longs for. My life has a new feeling of purpose. I know now exactly what I want and I have a plan on how I am going to achieve it. God is so wonderful. He is so great. I know that if I had got what I wanted yesterday I never would have found all this great motivation to set these new goals. That was exactly what I needed in my life at that moment, and God knew that. I am going to trust in Him forever and glory in His great goodness and mercy towards me. I know I have a Heavenly Father who loves me and knows exactly what is best for me.

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